8 months or 2/3 or 244 days are behind me in my pursuit to write a daily blog. It is a good time to pause and reflect again.
The last months, and especially the last two weeks were difficult in terms of writing. There were several days when I asked myself if I should continue writing. There are several reasons for it. I also think they are connected.
I have the feeling that I start to repeat myself again and that what I write about is not really something new. Either for me or for you as a reader. I want to write about things that I have experiences, have thought about intensively, or have a connection with so that it is easy for me to tap into my emotions and feelings while writing about it. If this is not the case any longer, I feel bad. I don’t want to preach. Sure, there are definitely topics where I write about what could be done in a specific situation, but I always make sure to speak about my own struggles doing it, as well.
The next reason is the number of blogs I still want to write until the year is over. Another 121 entries. That is a big number when thinking about. I am demanding towards myself when it comes to the articles. I know that not all of them are equally good, but I always want to make you think or learn something new or understand something. I am not sure, if I still have another 121 articles in me. I mean, sure life is the best teacher and there will be situations that generate an insight, but I cannot count on it to have one almost every day going forward.
The last reason is the valley I go through for the last two weeks. I still struggle a lot with forgetting, letting go of, and accepting the end of the relationship and when I think about it I feel like a fraud and inauthentic. With it comes a void. A void I don’t yet know how to fill. Sure, I could write about this, but then I give the topic more space and attention than is good for me. I am still afraid that this will last longer and even more afraid that I don’t want to change it.
However, this does not mean that I will stop writing this blog. No, I want to fight my way through this valley. I still enjoy writing. When I have a topic, writing the text is very easy and I am definitely in that flow-state. Let’s see what the next month will bring and please be patient with me.