We all have probably only this one life. And it is true, we are the main person who can decide its fate. However, I think we all know about an experience or situation which made us hesitate. We longed for change, but we didn’t do it. There are countless books, articles, and videos of people who want to motivate you to change. Their arguments can be valid, and you might feel that what you read or hear is making total sense, but you still can’t change or act. Sometimes, what we need might be the words: “I will support you” by an important person.
Not changing your current situation because you care can also be one of the reasons you cannot change. But it can be something negative, when it implies lying to yourself. To give you an example. Applying the reasoning that I stay at my job only because I don’t want my parents to worry about me would be lying to me. It is convenience, laziness, fear, and self-doubt disguised as caring for other peoples’ feelings.
So, we should be honest about what is really holding us back. Because, even if you get all the support in the world, you might not be successful, if you are not working on yourself, too to overcome those beliefs and traits.
And yes, sometimes I would like to hear those words, too. Maybe it is unfair. Because there is a thin line between hoping for support and blaming others for not getting it. Blaming others is definitely the wrong thing to do! Even your parents or your husband or wife or partner are not obligated to help you. Because change is always linked to an investment. Resources need to be used to change. It can be money or time or both.
To give you an example. You want to quit your job, but you don’t have enough savings to provide for your own. And, you also don’t know when you will be able to earn enough money to provide for yourself again. This means, someone else will help you with shelter, food, and time to help you go through this difficult time of change. Just think about it what this asks of another person. Imagine someone would ask you to do this for him or her. Could you do it? For how long? Of course, a change might not have such drastic consequences. But before you blame others think about what this means and how much you would be willing to give.
It is just that sometimes we are not strong and brave enough and we yearn for a person to say: “I will support you in your decision”. It can be your parents or your partner you need to say it. It might give the needed safety to pursue undiscovered areas. The change we need but don’t know how it will manifest itself in our lives.
But, did you ask them? Did you ask them for their total support? Of course, they could say no or cannot give it, because their beliefs of what will make you happy differ from yours. Again, don’t blame them, they are most likely interested in you being happy. But even if you get a negative reply. Nothing changed from the beginning. Maybe then it is time to be that voice of encouragement for yourself.
And it is a two-way street. Yes, you might want another person to say this to you. But maybe you are the person another is waiting to say this to them. Sometimes, all it needs and takes is moral support. Sometimes we just need to know that someone supports our decision. Maybe, we give too much weight about what other people say. But this is also not completely wrong. Other people want our best and have way more experience, so it makes sense to listen to them to navigate the world.
Sometimes we need them to tell us: “I will support you”.