How do you let go of a person that is dear to you? This article won’t give answers, or it will, I don’t know yet, but I want to reflect about this topic and see what my mind comes up with.
Why do I write about it in the first place? Because it is still something I struggle with. The first thing I tell myself that love, real love is uncondional. And although I struggle with it myself, I still belief in this. There are many reasons why I fell in love with that person in the first place, and it is very difficult to lose a person and a relationship and to accept that she is no longer a part of my life and doesn’t want to be. Then, who am I to inhibit her choice of spending her life without me? I don’t own this person and at the end of the day (and of life) everybody is responsible for him-/herself.
I definitely got dependent on her in the process of our relationship. It is dangerous, but can make the process of letting go even harder. It is also not really possible to go through a desensitization period, but rather it ends from one moment to the other. Still being or thinking (probably both) to be dependent makes it again much more difficult. You cling to a straw and when you are a hopeful person it can take a long time until realization kicks in (disclaimer: not fully there yet).
Some say that people stay in your life until you got the message that life is trying to send you. I am not sure what this means for long lasting relationships, but probably that is a different matter =).
What do I try to do? Well, I made it nearly impossible for me to reach out. This is harder than it sounds, if you shared several means of communication and all the data that Google and Co collect and store without really being able to delete them. I also deleted any pictures and text, mainly everything that reminds me of her. You might say this is exaggerated, but if the old ways don’t work, I need to try something new. And believe me, this wasn’t done without crying. Does it help? You’ll probably get to know in the future.
Mindfulness training seems to help, because it can give more clarity and prevent talking bullshit to myself. But the pain is still there. And will remain with me for a while I think. Maybe it is so hard because I cannot say that I hate her or that I don’t understand her. On the contrary. I wish her well and all the success in the world. I just wish we could share this together.
The best thing I can do is to remind myself to be patient. Especially patient with myself. When I think about it, it might not be about letting go. At least not now. I think I am not 100% ready to. But I also think that the process cannot be clearly seperated in stages. I also think that those last few lines are an indicator that I don’t have found clarity yet. I am grateful for her, but at the moment this makes it harder, because than I miss her again.
What do you do to let go? And what helped you during the process?
Love and hugs, Stephan