This is a question I ask myself more often in recent times. I mean overstrain in a mental and/or emotional way. And because I reflect back why my last relationship didn’t work out I am curious and try to figure out what I should change in the future.
I come from a family which does not really speak about our feelings and how they affect us. And I don’t say that this is a bad thing. I still grew up in a loving environment. I can only describe what the effects are on me. When I was younger, I also didn’t share my emotions and feelings but rather repressed them. This was not really good for me and I had to learn how helpful it can be to be open about my feelings. It took a while, but it changed the person I am today.
Now however, I wonder if the pendulum oscillated to the other extreme. And that, with me being very open about my feelings and emotions and curious about how other people feel, I overstrain others. There were a couple of things I wanted (actually for me it was a need) to speak about, but I never got an answer and sometimes I got the answer I am not ready to speak about it. This was difficult for me to understand, although I should have probably been very timid about revealing my inner thoughts myself. However, I thought that if we can manage to talk about those things we can find a solution together and it will bring us closer together again.
I realized that I achieved the opposite. I think I put too much pressure on her, although I didn’t want this. I tried to achieve the opposite and to release some pressure. I tried that she feels comfortable and with me showing vulnerability giving her an example and an invitation to be vulnerable herself. Of course, it is difficult to tell based on the information I provide here. But that is also not the point. It is more about realizing the negative potential of being too open. It also doesn’t mean that I will be reserved again. No. I actually like that I managed to overcome my timidness and that I am able to share so openly about my past and feelings. Though, I think I need to dial back a bit. Even when I am in a relationship and I feel the other person is not ready. I need to give her time and I need to trust that she will love me enough that at some point she will talk to me about it. Or step by step.
But I don’t judge myself for it. My intentions where always good. I always thought it will help us. What I can do is to be more careful in my next relationship. It is the same with everything. Finding the middle path.
Have a wonderful day and take care!