The search for answers

As you might have noticed already, I ask a lot of questions. I ask them others, but also myself. In my pursuit of increasing my own understanding, I strive to find answers to those questions, too. But is it always possible to find an answer? And, is it even always beneficial to strive for finding the answer?

I am well aware that a part of wanting to find answers is to cope with uncertainty. As, I am struggling at times with extreme uncertainty, the need for answers becomes paramount.

But what, if I don’t want to hear the answers? And what, if I don’t believe in them?

I think, I don’t mind hearing inconvenient answers. I strive to improve myself and that is just a part of it. I think that sometimes I don’t believe in the answers I get. I let them think in and I reflect about them, but sometimes I don’t think they are correct. It is often just a feeling and I cannot give any proof, why I feel the way I do. Is it good to trust your instincts? And how do you know that you are on the wrong path?

Maybe it is hope that clouds my judgement. But when does hope turn into desperation? When does it lead to a loss of reality? Or maybe a different question. Why is it difficult to accept an answer you don’t believe in? How would you do it?

As you might realize from all of those questions, the search for answer can also be confusing. It can also prevent you from moving on. It doesn’t matter in which direction, but it just has the power to stop yourself. That is a state I am in during the last couple of weeks. It is getting better, but there are times when I am just confused again.

Maybe it is about finding the middle path again. I will never stop striving for answers. I just need to learn to better cope with answers I don’t believe in and also with times when there is no answer available at all. Or maybe I cannot see them just yet. This would mean it is about being patient again.

I think it is with almost everything. Each thing has a positive and also a negative side.

I hope I didn’t confuse all too much dear reader. Though, writing this text helped me to gain some clarity for today.

Have a wonderful day and take care =)

Stephan

 

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