Today, I had two very valuable talks, with two very dear friends of mine. They both said memorable things which will ultimately help me to come closer to those two questions:
Who am I?
And where do I want to go?
The first talk was rather hard for me, but sometimes, tough love can be very good. She spoke about one very interesting aspect. How I conceive feedback. In general, I am very open to feedback and I reflect about everything without lightheartedly rejecting what has been said. The problem I have right now is that I am a sponge rather than a mirror. I suck in the feedback and keep it there. Instead, I should mirror it back. I should not take everything in, but rather reflect if and which parts of it have merit.
She also tried to nudge me in a direction where I am able to focus on development. How do I want to develop myself further? I have to admit that during the conversation, I wasn’t in the right state to let it happen. However, I know of the validity what has been said and it will help me to get closer to what my next step will be. The foundation needs to be that I want to help myself. That I want to develop. It is okay to now knowing where to go, but I need to be willing to try.
She gave me the advice to spend each day during the next two weeks (or when I am ready) as if it was my perfect day. Of course, in the realms of what is possible taking into consideration that I still have work to do. It can be a bit scary. Scary, because there is nothing and nobody who can prevent me from doing it. This means, the only one to blame is me. Which leads us back to the foundation. Am I ready and am I willing to embrace change, and do I strive for development?
What both said, and I know, but need to hear again is that it can only come from inside myself. No external thing will lead to my own happiness. If I cannot be happy and content with who I am it will be a difficult path. Furthermore, I will place expectations on things and people which will be unfair to them.
My other friend said that maybe it is just about figuring out who we are. As we change with time, this is a never-ending task. And maybe, this is all I need to figure out at the moment in order to take the next step.
No matter what, it is helpful to do a reality check from time to time. I am thankful for the feedback I got and the questions it raised. I know those will help me in the long run, even if some of the answers are painful right now.
This entry is a good illustration of what is happening inside me at the moment. A bit confused, not very structured and way more questions than answers. Nevertheless, writing about it already helps to bring more clarity to my own thoughts. I hope you still could take something out of this entry.
Have a wonderful day and take care =)